My parents were divorced when I was ten years old and it seemed that life only got hard from that point on. We moved from a house to a small apt. with my mother and the struggling began. Of course I was too young to understand why. At that time we were living in York, Pennsylvania and my mother had begun to speak about moving to Maryland. She kept on saying “we’re moving to Maryland” but none of us believed her because she’d been talking about it for so long. After I graduated from the 8th grade in middle school we packed our things and on the last day of summer we left Pennsylvania for good. Of course I was devastated. I cried the entire ride there…or at least until I fell asleep. I’d already made up my mind that I was going to hate my life. We moved in with our Aunt and my mom hurried to get everyone signed up for school and she started looking for a job. After a while we got our own place. Over that period of time I spent most of my days wishing I was back in Pennsylvania. I became very depressed. The summer before my tenth grade year I suppose I was much too unruly for my mother because she sent me back to Pennsylvania to live with my father. I was happy that I’d got what I’d wanted, but I didn’t know what I was in for. Harrisburg, PA…it wasn’t the city I’d grown up in but at least it was closer. My father had an efficiency he was staying in and the landlord told him no children allowed. So the day I arrived in Pennsylvania we went to a church that would help us get into a shelter. I was embarrassed and disappointed at this but still only about 13 or 14 years old at the time. School there was a lot better for me. I made friends quickly and did well. The only thing I worried about was when a friend of mine would ask “So Rajjae where do you live?” I couldn’t tell them I lived in a shelter!!! So instead I would say, “I don’t know the name of the street.” The school bus would pick me up first in the morning and drop me off last after school so I never had to deal with the embarrassment of being the only one to get off the school bus at a shelter. The shelter had very strict rules and one of them was that we were not permitted to eat in the rooms. One day I was caught eating an apple in the room and they kicked us out of the shelter in the middle of the night. I was quite disappointed. We spent that night waiting in a train station for one of my fathers’ friends to pick us up and stay at his home for the night. A few days later we went back to Harrisburg to stay with another friend of my fathers. I caught a different school bus and life went on, but not for long. One day I and my father went to the house and it was a mess. The police had done a search of his home…for what I wasn’t told but we had to leave. So another nice night at the train station is what we needed just until his good old friend picks us up again. The story continues as a few days later we found another place to stay. Through this all I never complained because I (somehow) realized that it was not only hard on me but hard on my father as well because I know he loved me and wants the best for me. Even through the nights at the train station or being kicked out of a shelter I didn’t complain…I was sad and sometimes angry but I couldn’t complain. It could have been worse...my father could have given up! Finally my dad tells me we’ve found a place to stay and I couldn’t be more ecstatic. Those train stations get pretty cold at night! We moved in and not long after he brought my two younger sisters to live with us as well…in our 1 bedroom apartment. It was crowded but nonetheless I was thankful to at least be able to tell my friends where I lived. So now my 10th grade school year is over and it’s summertime! We went back to York, PA to stay with my older sister and visit all of our childhood friends for a couple weeks as sort of a summer vacation. Two weeks went by and my father had only called once. That was it…he was gone. We called people from our church, we called his friends, we called the apt and he was nowhere to be found. We had been evicted from the apt. and the rental office had all of our things thrown away. So here we are stranded in PA with a couple of outfits and a toothbrush. We called my mother to let her know what happened but decided we should at least stay and enjoy our summer with our friends since none of us really wanted to go back to MD. When the summer was up our sister drove us back to MD and we moved back in with our mother. Although I’d grown up in the church I’d never really taken it seriously. But from the 11th grade on I’d never gone back to another shelter or been homeless again. This reminds me of a verse I admire so greatly:
Philippians 4:12-13
12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
When I began to take my relationship with God seriously he showed me how to be happy in every situation. Times when my mother didn’t have enough money to buy groceries, times when the car broke down and she had to take the bus to work, times when we couldn’t have new clothes or shoes. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. It took me going through all those things to realize where my strength came from but thank God he gave it to me. Though we weren’t always where we wanted to be God always kept a roof over our heads and we never slept on the streets and it wasn’t just because my father tried so hard. It was because Jesus was our shelter in the storm. Thank God.
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