"How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!" Hebrews 9:14
My name is Darrell Anderson, the Founder and Executive Director of Red Light District Street Ministries, Inc. and this is my personal testimony. God delivered me from a life of an addiction to prostitutes, pornography and illicit sex. He saved me from a life buried in low self esteem and a lack of self worth which were the root causes of my destructive and potentially fatal behaviors. Through the years, as the Lord worked with me and cleansed my life, He brought to my attention the heart of my issues. He taught me how through his love, I could overcome my pain.
The beauty of my addictions, it seemed at the time, was that no one knew about them. It was my very own secret. On the other side of this silent life, I was a completely different man. I was an obedient son, I attended my local church once a week and I was a hard working student and employee. I had goals and dreams just like most other men and I pursued them fervently. Fortunately for me, my addictive actions and motives were no secret to God. He knew me from the beginning of my life and knew why I submitted to my addictions. With his firm hand and his gentle heart he lifted me out of enslavement and put me on a path to recovery.
In America, we too often measure happiness with money or material possessions. We also assume a person’s happiness is based upon whether or not they are physically beautiful. When it comes to children, we gauge their happiness according to their family environment. If the child seems to come from a perfect family, then the child should be on the path to a happy and successful life. When one of these children gets into trouble, we often think, “How could that child do such a thing?” We think this way because this child has come from a perfect family.
The perfect family can be described as two different family models. The first family model consists of one or two professional parents earning a healthy salary and living in an expensive home. The children in these families attend the best schools, have their own computer, colored TV and every video game ever made. Some of these children are teenagers lucky enough to drive expensive cars that were bought for them by their parents.
The second family model is not as financially “well off” but they work hard to make ends meet. One or both of the parents try to give the child whatever they can so that the child can experience a healthy and normal life. The parents love their children unconditionally. As long as the child’s performance in school is satisfactory or better, they believe the child is on the right path.
Unfortunately, for both of these families, children discover something that adults do not know, have forgotten or do not care to think about. Children discover that money, possessions, physical beauty or any amount of education are not the keys to happiness. They end up longing for ultimate love and happiness and cry out for help to get it. As a result of this loneliness, children begin to develop self doubt and begin to question their self worth. At an early age if they do not receive adequate love and attention from their parent(s) and if they are not introduced to God's true love for them, they will go searching for that happiness in the wrong places.
I do not come from a well-to-do family but, the self doubt and lack of self worth started growing in me at an early age. Because I stayed in school, got good grades, stayed in church, and took care of my sick mother, I appeared to be a perfect child and nobody knew the inner conflict. My mother started having nervous breakdowns when I was 10 years old. My father was shot and killed when my mother was two months pregnant with me. She already had 5 kids. She had another child after me. The pressure from raising seven children by herself and losing her home caused the nervous breakdowns. As a result of my mother's illness, some of my siblings turned to drugs to deal with the pain and others were totally indifferent.
I was always told that I was the smartest one in the family. So, believing that, I felt obligated to take care of my mother and try to keep the family together. Before this happened, I was already very shy and quiet. I had no confidence and a very low self esteem. Even though I made the grade at school, I could not get to first base on a personal level. Thus, once I became everybody's hero and the person everyone looked up to, I withdrew inward. I became a recluse. I spent so much time being an adult in a child's body that I lost the ability to relate to people my own age. Therefore, I did not know how to communicate with girls.
One night in April 1984, while I was walking home, I saw a prostitute standing on a corner. I was only 16 years old and a virgin. The devil told me "you better get her because that is the only way you will ever get a woman." I agreed with him and I paid that prostitute to have sex with me. I believed that lie the devil told me for the next 13½ years. Prostitutes did not require me to talk to them, to open up my heart and share to who I really was with them. Whenever I would meet a girl who was bold enough to make the first move, I would assume that she would not like me once she got to know the real me. It was easier for me to pay a prostitute and to not have to face possible rejection. Thus, I continued to hide my self doubts and not deal with my issues.
In the world of prostitution, and pornography it is easy to hide your fears and doubts. When people first get into the world of pornography and illicit sex, it is exciting. It is exciting because the devil makes it exciting. The devil allows you to experiment with different kinds of people and fulfill any kind of fantasy you can think of. If one person will not perform the act, there is always another person that will. The only question for me was whether I had the money to pay.
When sexual encounters with single women were no longer satisfying, I turned to married women. Most black men are considered to be physically strong and aggressive. I grew up with the insecurity of knowing that I did not fit that image. So, I always felt like I did not measure up when I was with a black woman. These feelings caused me to hate black women. As a result, I started dating white women exclusively. I became so obsessed with white women that I put adds in swingers magazines seeking white couples who wanted to have sex with a black man. These wives and girlfriends were beautiful, decent, clean, respectable, and intelligent. They could have been your next door neighbor, co-worker or fellow parishioner at your church. The husband or boyfriend would watch me have sex with his wife or girlfriend. Sometimes, he would videotape, take pictures or join in. These types of encounters worked for me because I did not have to pay. These women had fantasies they wanted to explore and I was willing to participate.
Most men would believe that after such experiences, I would feel like I was walking on air. But these experiences only made me feel worse.
The devil does not tell people about the consequences of this kind of behavior. This kind of lifestyle severely damaged my emotions, my whole perspective on life, and my ability to give myself to one person. Even women who choose to solicit sex for themselves and not for a pimp or a boyfriend end up feeling the same effects. They reach a point in which they are sick and tired of living this type of lifestyle and they feel trapped. I got to the point in which I believed I was nothing. I felt as if I were lower than the dirt that people walked on everyday. That was how I treated myself and therefore that was how I expected others to treat me.
I was arrested for the first time for solicitation in June of 1994 on O'Farrell Street. O’Farrell Street is a main street in one of the red light districts in San Francisco. I had never been arrested before, so I got off easy. I was allowed to participate in pretrial diversion and the charges were dismissed. I did not heed the warning. Instead, I thought that I should just be more careful next time about who I choose to solicit. In December 1996, I was arrested again for solicitation on Capp Street between 17th and 18th Streets. Capp Street is another popular street in one of the red light districts in San Francisco. This time, I had to hire a really good lawyer to fight for me.
At first, I still did not see the need to change. But, during the months of plea bargaining, the Lord got my attention and told me "this is the last time you will get off easy, so you better get your act together." The charges were reduced to breach of the peace and I was awarded pretrial diversion again and counseling. Upon completion of diversion and counseling, the charges were dismissed. I did not feel like I wanted to be saved, but I was miserable and I knew the Lord was calling me. So, in April 1997, I repented. Then I was baptized in Jesus Name. But, I did not fully commit myself. I did not allow God to fill me with his spirit (the Holy Ghost). Therefore, I had nothing to fight the devil with when he came back to tempt me to pick up prostitutes again.
Part of my plea bargain agreement required me to take counseling. Ironically, there was a counselor who just started his job the same week I started attending the group counseling sessions. This counselor had the same problem I had when he was younger. However, he treated my problem from a carnal minded point of view only. He felt that all I needed was to have one good experience with one decent woman who really liked me for who I was. His talks helped me to recognize that I did have a problem. He also helped me to feel a little bit better about myself temporarily. But, at the same time, I knew that his advice was not reaching me deep enough.
A friend at work offered to introduce me to a friend of his girlfriend. I had never done anything like that before. I knew right away that this relationship was not right but never the less, I was excited by the opportunity to date someone who I thought would really like me. I was excited to experience dating a woman the normal way. Therefore, I figured this would be a good opportunity to experiment with some of the things that my counselor was trying to teach me. Unfortunately, the relationship turned out to be a disaster because I still had not dealt with the core issues that got me into trouble in the first place. As a result, I went back to the streets and prostitutes to get sex.
On November 20, 1997, it happened again. I was arrested for solicitation on 18th and Capp Streets. This time, when I saw the police lights flashing, the only thing I could say is "Oh God you warned me." I knew I could not run anymore because God would keep running me into brick walls. I spent the next three weeks trying to get myself in the mind set to give my life to Christ because I knew that he was the only one who could break me from this terrible habit. On December 14, 1997, I was baptized again. Four days later I received the Holy Ghost. Once Christ came into my life, I had the power to resist the temptations of the devil.
I had found what I longed for: ultimate fulfillment, inner peace and freedom. I truly believe this is what everyone longs for. God has shown me who I am and he has shown me my purpose in this life. He has taught me how to love myself, how to respect myself, how to take care of myself, how to treat a woman, and how to give myself to my future wife. I have not attempted to be intimate with anyone since November 20, 1997 and I do not plan to be intimate with anyone until the night of my wedding. I am content to wait until God allows me to meet the wife that he has prepared for me.
From the moment Christ came into my life, I knew I had power to fight the temptations of the devil. I knew I had the power to achieve total deliverance. I immediately felt a need to go back to the Red Light Districts and let people know that there is hope! I know there is hope because I found the answer.
In March 1999, God called me to the Ministry and told me to do just that. In May 1999, I finally got the courage to walk down the same streets that I used to go to pick up women. So now, I talk to women I use to know, women I have never met, pimps, drug addicts, drug dealers, and anyone else who will listen. I talk to them about God's power to deliver them and heal them. I share my testimony with them to let them know that I can identify with them. Then I explain to them how God has changed my life. I feed them if they are hungry. On occasion, I have provided shelter. I realize that their problems run so deep that it is important to build a relationship with them. They are so afraid of leaving the abusive relationships or situations they are in because they are afraid of being alone and not having anyone to love them. It is my job to be a living example for them; to show them that they can be happy with Jesus alone.
Even though God is powerful enough to save anyone in an instant, it usually does not happen that way. There is a cleansing process that a person has to go through. Often times when a person is suffering, that person will feel that he/she is the only one in the world who is feeling their type of pain and thus nobody will understand. I truly believe that if someone like me had come to me, when I was still sleeping around, and had talked to me just like I talk to people now, I believe that that conversation would have started me to thinking about getting my life back together.
I often hear teachers say that when they teach a child something new and they see that idea click in the mind of that child, it is one of the greatest feelings of joy and fulfillment that anyone could ever have. Likewise, I cannot put into words the sense of fulfillment and satisfaction I feel when I am talking to people on the streets and I discover that they get the point of what I am trying to say. Thus, they now realize there is hope for them and there is a way out. But, now it is up to them to accept it.
God has commissioned me to build a faith based rehabilitation center and affordable housing in San Francisco to help these people rebuild their lives, and I will do this. I have started a Ministry called “Red Light District Street Ministry.” God has told me to start preaching on street corners in red light districts. I am completely sold out for God and I am ready, willing and able to do whatever he wants me to do and go wherever he sends me.
Thank you for taking the time to read my testimony. I hope that you have been helped and/or inspired by it.
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